I Really Am A Good Friend And Would Put My Friends Life Before Mine....

I really do love my friends to death...admittedly I only have one or two true friends that I would drop everything for. I only give back what I recieve.

I'm sorry if it upsets Shay that I'm friends with Zach, but I would never do anything with him. She keeps going on and on about how much she'll hate me and never forgive me. I just shake my head like wow really? you think I'm so desperate for a man that I will randomly fuck your ex just because? whatever. I don't want to get with your ex okay? I love one guy and one guy only. Truthfully I don't even want another guy. I hope you know even though sometimes your a bitch and lie constantly and sometimes I can't tell if your really living the life you want...I won't intentionally hurt you.

Throughout my troublesome teenage years I always thought my aunt would be there for me. Now I find myself slowly seperating her from my life. I look at her now and can see the look of disappointment in her eyes that she tries to hide. I can see that she has her own problems to deal with and that mine are trivial in comparison. I realize that there is a very thin line between being an adult and a friend but believe me when I thought I'd never see the day when me and my aunt grew apart. I know she thinks I'm young and there are plenty of other boys out there but I loved Jp and her disppointment when I say if he ever needed me I'd be there hurt me. Ya we ended terribly but we went through two years together. I would be lieing if I said I no longer cared about him. She doesn't get it. She doesn't even have to say it...I've known her long enough to see it on her face.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3


Really Bummed....and Humiliated

So I applied for a job at Chuck E Cheese and got an interview...Then they told me to come back the next day speak with Terri? at 4:30 So I went back and was a little early so I waited til 4:20 and walked in. I asked to speak to Terri and their like "Shes in a conference why did you need to talk to her?" and I replied "I had a 4:30 appointment to see her today." Then their like "Well she's interviewing another girl." I asked if I should wait and they said no just leave your name and number and she'll call you. So I left and I still haven't gotten a call from her. :( I was really hoping I got the job but apparently I didn't.
Yesterday I was completely humiliated...I hid under my blankets for the rest of the day because I was so embarressed.... I thought Bradley was a really good friend of mine...I thought he actually gave a shit about what I felt but I guess not. He called and asked if I wanted to come over. Then stupid me believed we were just hanging out or something...I didn't think he wanted anything. I didn't even realize it until after I was already in the house and chatting with him. I walked straight to his room and said Hi to Trevor ,who is one of our friends, he was playing video games and I was watching from the door. Then Bradley asked me to come here and he closed the door and then we were kissing which isn't surprising cause we always kiss and I was like wow I think he missed me. I asked him what he wanted being completely niave and stupid at this point and he said something along the lines of I think you know. Then it hit me. He called me here to fuck with me. LITERALLY. I was too busy processing that he called me here for sex and not to just hang out that I was surprised when I found myself pushed onto the couch in his living room. He started to undo my pants when I pushed him away saying I don't do this stuff with other people here. Bradley~"You did it with your brother in the house." I looked at him and said I know my brother won't walk in and watch me! He kept kissing me and trying to undo my pants then he said ~"Okay Trevor won't walk in ok? If he does you can kick me in the balls as hard as you want ok?" I looked at him and was like wow he is fucking desperate. Then he did stuff that completely hit my soft spot and next thing I know my pants are at my ankles and Trevor is walking in!!!! I quickly covered myself with my hands and stared at Trevor like a deer in headlights...Bradley walked away from me!!! Like walked away and didn't even care if Trevor saw me without my pants!!!! Trevor was staring at me with a small smirk and I was about to burst into tears so I put my head on my kness when he started apologizing and walking back to Bradley's room. Then I heard Bradley come over and apologize and start to kiss me but I refused to kiss him.  I asked him what I was to him and he said Friends with Benefits. I shook my head no and started to put  my pants on when he says come on I said I was sorry I didn't know he would walk in. I looked at him and I felt like I'd been slapped. He still wanted to do things when I was completely humiliated!!! I told him that I liked it better when we were friends...and stormed out. He din't even try to stop me.  I couldn't drive so I just stopped around the corner and started crying and when the tears stopped I went home and I couldnt stop the sobs coming from me until I was outside my house. He hasn't tried to talk to me since then. Was I really this stupid and thought he was really my friend when all he wanted was some "benefits"?  I thought that he...I thought that he was my friend...Maybe Jp was right...Maybe I am a charity case.
Trevor did call me later to apologize repeatedly.
<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf<3


Just Another Day...Wait...You Want To Marry Me?

So Haley got me hooked on the Who's Here app. and I've met alot of nice guys on it. And I have to say one of my biggest pet peeves is guys asking me to marry them when they don't even know me or the shit that I've gone through. Its an instant piss me off button. Jeez I don't want to marry you if I've never met you.

Helpful tips to wanna be boyfriends....

I hate it when guys can't tell when I'm angry or getting angry at them.

I hate when guys bring you to hang out with their friends and they ignore you.

I hate when guys criticize my sense of fashion.

I hate when they want to hang up the phone after just a minute of conversation.

I hate when guys make fun of me in front of others.

I hate when they criticize my make up skills.

I hate guys that ogle at other girls in my presence.

I hate when guys talk to any of your exs or their are more texts from other girls then between you and I.

I hate when you compare me to other girls.

I hate when you have no life ambition.

I hate when you flirt and other people tell me how much you flirt.

I hate when your breaking every promise you made.

I hate when you don't listen to what I have to say.

I hate when your arrogent.

I hate when you have pictures of other girls in your phone that I don't even know.

I hate it when you know I'm jealous or I tell you I'm jealous and you just act like it's nothing when it's obviously something.

I hate when we make plans and you "nicely" break them and then come later I find out you were with your friends.

I hate it when you lie to my face and I have to walk around geetting  pity looks because everyone else knows the truth and I chose to believe you.

I hate when a guy...promises you forever and then...walks away...
I want to apologise to Nick but I don't know why. I feel like maybe this was kinda all my fault. I think I lead him on and didn't care. I mean I would NEVER EVER sleep with him. My bestfriends all know that in their hearts and the one person who really mattered didn't. I teased. I flirted. I joked. Sue me for liking the attention I was getting, but I will deny the constant rumor that I wanted to sleep with him. I didn't. Yes I know I was stupid and let the jokes go way too far but I did not have a boyfriend. Can you hear me JP? I was not dating you. So therefore I can flirt with who ever the hell I want. But don't you dare try and accuse me of sleeping with him. I might be a bitch but I woud never sleep with one of your friends...and how can you call him a friend anyway? He's a f*cking d*ck with a capital D! I think what I'm trying to figure out is why I would want to apologize to this D*ck in the first place. I'm so hurt everyday when people ask "Did you really want to sleep with Nick?" because the truth is I didn't but I don't care what they think, I don't care what they say....In the end I lost everything that really mattered to me. I lost my friends. I lost my dignity. I lost my love. I lost everything. They only thing I ever wanted back though was him. The one who didn't believe in me. The one who wouldn't give me one more chance. The one who finally walked away. And here I am wanting to apologize to the one who caused it.

Even after all this...I still have friends to be honest I have some f*cking awesome friends. Haley is my nember one so far. Bradley is iffy at the moment he is MIA. YOU NEED TO TEXT ME BRADLEY!!! Jordan has always been there. Brooke left me to go to Italy but who could blame her...hot guys, gorgeous view...I'm jealous. Macie could have been a fun summer friend but she is stuck on vacation with her mom...again with the vacations...Im jealous. Shay is...undetermined. Needless to say I have lots of peeps, but I miss hanging out with my old friends too.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3


My Life Rocks Right About Now Except For The Asshole That Keeps Popping Up

So I met an awesome sexy guy named...pause for dramatic affect...BRENDON!!!! Im sorry boys but I gotta admit this soccer boys body has me trippin over my own feet lol!!! He is amazingly sweet too!!!
Him:Baby are you up?
Me:Yes why r u still up?
Him:I can't sleep :(
Me:Ha neither can I :)
Me:Why can't u sleep?
Him:I can't stop thinking about you
Me:Hopefully good thoughts?
Him:They are(:
Me:Well why are you thinking of me so much babe? :)
Me:LAFS? What?
Him:Love @ 1st site lol
OMG he is so sweet!!!!!! I love him! And omg...his body is *sigh* psh boys you wish you had it! He is so honest and to all them country nit wits that are treating him like dirt Ima tear your skinny white asses to pieces if you hurt my boy!! He is always making me smile too!!! He thinks Im beautiful hehe...and he is from Guatamala...I wonder if they have good food there lol what? Im hungry... Anyways! He plays soccer and is totally the best player on the team lol or at least I think so. I don't really care what yall think so shut it. Damn...I think I just met my dream hottie *sigh. Love you Bren. :) Don't let them stuck up snot nose bitches get you down babe! Their just jealous cause they can't look as good as you :) Just tell me and I'll add them to my kick-ass-list LMAO Sweet dreams baby I'll talk to you soon Mwah!
Haley Haley Haley-----Yes I'm okay I really don't want to talk about it really. Jp has been with alot of girls apparently but I don't care ok? I'm fine. It just hurts a little bit and I just want to run away from everything that reminds me of him. I'm tired of hearing about all the different girls he did things for and how he paid for them to do stuff like going to movies and stuff, I can't help but think that could of been me ya know? I should be there with him laughing and having fun. But I know that will never happen. He probably would of never invited me anyways. I wished so much was different between us. I miss him so much Haley. I wish everyone would just shut up and quit talking about him. Im done trying to pretend it doesn't hurt because honestly it hurts like shit. :( I don't want to hear about the girls he's been with. I don't want to hear how much of an asshole he was. I just want silence. Will I ever get that? Probably not. I think you are the only person I can handle talking about him with. I miss you Haley and I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you. I just feel like disappearing for a bit.
BTW Girl you are the most amazing friend in the world!!! I know you'll always have my back and be there whenever I need you no matter what :) I know you will be completly honest with me and never lie to me I hope you find your perfect sexy man soon LOL Although I will have to run a few test to make sure he treats you right ;) I hope you have a blast when you go to church camp!!! Im going to miss you while your gone :( Your so beautiful too girl don't let any idiot tell you otherwise and although your fashion statement is really...unique? lol I love it and don't forget I'll always be here if you ever need me girl

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3


WTF!!!!!!!!!!!! No More Miss Nice Girl Ima Bout To Flip Shit On his 2in. D*ck!!!!!

That SOB f*cking cheated on me when we were together!!!! For two f*cking years!!!!! I knew it too I could just feel it and I still believed him!!!!!!! That stupid f*cking idiot! You know what mother f*cker I am so done with your @$$! I don't even want to be f*cking friends no more! You can waste your life with your stupid little friends that will ditch your @$$ but my friends are true b*tch!! They'll stay by my side no matter what just like how I'll be there for them!!! OH and I'M the charity case? MY @$$! Your a f*cking a charity case! I am done with your lieing cheating man-whore slut-f*cking @$$!
Bradley...I Love You Babe. I hope you know that. You need to quit thinking I'm always going to be mad about your decisions, cause I'm not mad babe. Your really sweet and in a weird way I know you care about me. I hope we're friends for a long time because I would be the only normal person without you ;) I like your girlfriend even if she hates me. I think you make a cute couple but your still young babe, don't let her hold ya back. I made my mistake and I hope you don't make the same one. Don't ever let go of your friends honey cause in the end they'll be all you got. I know you miss your dad baby and I honestly think he would be laughing his ass off at you. :) I wish I could rewind time and take all your pain away. I'll do my best with what I got until I can though ;) boobs and ass lmao!  I think your so sexy and no matter what you say I HAVE PERFECT VISION!!!! My first words when I saw you...DAAAAMN!!! Lol. Don't get a serious girlfriend until your at least a senior babe, have fun but don't direspect the ladies.
Jordan...Damn...what can I say about you? LOL. I love your crazy ass so much. You been with me through some fucking bad shit and I take your words to heart. You were there for me when I was so depressed with Jp, you helped me break away from his ass and see how he treated me like shit. You were there when I completly broke down over him and cried my heart out. You know me better than anyone else, better than I do sometimes, and I hope you know that I would do anything for you. I owe you so much hun. Your so amazing, I know I can always count on you. Your so strong physically and emotionally. I look up to you and just wonder how I was so lucky to have you in my life. I love you. I hope you find that perfect girl that will be yours forever and have you trippin head over heels to please her! lol maybe it'll be me ;)
It hurts so much to have your worst fear at one point in time confirmed. You know what Jp? I hope you find a girl perfect for you. I hope you will live  happily ever after even if you hurt me and broke my heart. At least I broke up with you before I did anything with another guy. At least I didn't lie to your face about never cheating on you. I told you the truth and always have. Im completly in love you and you took a big piece of my heart but I'm healing. I have people who love me and care about and I feel the same for them. There true friends. The kind you'll never have if you stay on the path your on. I'm sorry you couldn't be faithful. I'm sorry you felt the need to hold my mistakes above my head and make me feel so guilty when really you were the unfaithful one who lied and cheated. I'm sorry that your so pathetic you had to degrade me to make yourself feel better. I lost myself when I was with you but Im finally back on my feet and realise how stupid I was with you. I let my love for you blind me from the truth. I'll always love you but I will never forgive you.

I look at my pictures on the wall and realise you aren't the same. You changed and I hate you for it. I remember how in love we were but god only knows how many girls you made out with or fucked at those parties or just hanging out. But I'm done. I have too many friends who love me the way I am to waste anymore time on you.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf and Pretty Girl <3


The Making Of Pretty Girl

I always sign every post with Pretty Girl because it is meant for a certain someone who helped me write this...his part is bolded at the end.
Pretty Girl - Written by A.D.C. and Pretty Boy
Pretty girl who has no friends,
Pretty girl who says this will never end,
Pretty girl who’s pain is too deep,
Pretty girl who cries herself to sleep,
Step by step, to the ledge she walks,
Tear by tear; falls…as she mutters don’t stop,
She tilted her head up towards the sky,
Letting the Angels above see her pain stricken eyes,
Pretty girl life never gave you a break,
Pretty girl your heart was his to take,
Pretty girl love you he does not,
Pretty girl weren’t you ever taught?
Watch them as they pass you by,
Never once asking if you’re okay,
All of them wanting you tonight,
Closing your eyes you begin to prey,
Pretty girl don’t give up yet,
Pretty girl don’t let the devil win the bet,
Pretty girl don’t give up hope,
Pretty girl we will soon elope,
As the days go by and we grow old,
The secrets of our past will unfold,
‘Til the end I will be yours,
Your one and only Pretty Boy.
Sometime I sign my post as Purple Smurf because it's my alias for my blog but it's kinda point less if you know who I am and who I'm talking about. Awell I like it.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3


Him Again

MINE written by Pretty Girl

Far away beyond my reach
He walks around as their prey
How long til I feel the breach
Til I feel our love be forgotten and fade
His walls are cracking and won’t hold long
My fear is growing and digging deep
I can’t lose control I must hold on
Rethinking I stop and breath
No one said we’d be together forever
No one said he would always be mine
I even said without him I was better
Was I wrong…Was I just being blind
I’m not letting him go
The hurt you’ll experience if you try
Will be so powerful and it’ll grow
You’ll ask for me to let you die
But not til you’ve learned your lesson
Not til you understand why
There will be no room for guessing
You must know he is MINE
Without him I am better
But with him…I am my best.

<3 Yours Truely, Pretty Girl <3


Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger....

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans

I think about him everyday. No matter where I am he seems to cross my mind. It doesn't hurt to remember him anymore. I just smile and remember how happy we were togather. I'm done wishing things would have worked out or turned out differently. I'm done regretting what was done and what was said. I hope he is happy. I hope he finds that perfect girl that I just couldn't be for him. I miss him so much but I can't stop my life just because he walked away.
I can wake up now and not feel like a ton of bricks are weighing me down. I can dance around in my pajamas without regretting that I can be happy without him. I might not be as happy as I was with you baby but I can still smile through the tears. I can look at our pictures and laugh at our silliness. I can walk into my room and be happy with the piece of you that still lingers in my heart. I love you baby. I hope someday you'll think of me and forgive me for my mistakes and just remember how happy we were.
Hey, Matthew, you know who you are. I won't ever give up on you. I love my friends and will always be there for them. I'm sorry you think life is so horrible and not worth living but I know your stronger than that. I know you can make it.

<3 Yours Truely, Pretty Girl <3