A Little To Late???

I thought maybe I could get him back one day but I don't anymore. He's so different but not at the same time. He played me today...well he said he didn't and that he cared about me and he worried about me. Honestly Im not hurt. I kinda expected it to be a talk and walk away kinda thing. But awell Im okay just kinda upset that he never really gave a damn.

My heart is so much stronger!!! Damn Im so happy right now. :) I haven't even cried!!! Hells ya!!! I don't even feel like crying. I am emotionally drained... omg today was soooo long...and it continues with Zach talking my ears off. I don't know if I can handle a realtionship right now. I just want to not hurt anymore. But I'll try my best and work it out with him. Maybe this will work...Maybe I can be happy with him.

Randy is coming on TUESDAY!!!! XD Im so fucking excited!!!! I can't wait to spend time with him. He is my favorite cousin in world!!!! hehehe hey mister devil the evil one is in town!!!!! Muah-ah-ah-ah!!!!!! *cough* excuse me *clears throught* Muah-ah-ah-ah!!!!!

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3

I Want To Join The Circus!!!!!!!!!!

I gotta say going to the circus was fun...but I really wanted Haley with me instead of Jordan...He made it really unfun for me. I paid for everything! The tickets ended up being $40 a piece plus tax. So it cost $85 dollars just for our tickets. Then, during intermission I bought our food which was $12, I bought my snow cone which I shared with him. The only thing he bought was a coke. Thats it. Then I only asked him for $30 dollars to pay for his ticket 'cause initially that's what I asked for and I didn't want to change it last minute. Oh. Oh. Then afterwards I payed for whataburger which I did owe him but damn...he didn't even ask if it was okay...I just feel kinda used... Now Im out way more money then I planned and I owe my dad $60. :( I feel used and abused now.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf<3

I Really Am A Good Friend And Would Put My Friends Life Before Mine....

I really do love my friends to death...admittedly I only have one or two true friends that I would drop everything for. I only give back what I recieve.

I'm sorry if it upsets Shay that I'm friends with Zach, but I would never do anything with him. She keeps going on and on about how much she'll hate me and never forgive me. I just shake my head like wow really? you think I'm so desperate for a man that I will randomly fuck your ex just because? whatever. I don't want to get with your ex okay? I love one guy and one guy only. Truthfully I don't even want another guy. I hope you know even though sometimes your a bitch and lie constantly and sometimes I can't tell if your really living the life you want...I won't intentionally hurt you.


Throughout my troublesome teenage years I always thought my aunt would be there for me. Now I find myself slowly seperating her from my life. I look at her now and can see the look of disappointment in her eyes that she tries to hide. I can see that she has her own problems to deal with and that mine are trivial in comparison. I realize that there is a very thin line between being an adult and a friend but believe me when I thought I'd never see the day when me and my aunt grew apart. I know she thinks I'm young and there are plenty of other boys out there but I loved Jp and her disppointment when I say if he ever needed me I'd be there hurt me. Ya we ended terribly but we went through two years together. I would be lieing if I said I no longer cared about him. She doesn't get it. She doesn't even have to say it...I've known her long enough to see it on her face.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3

Really Bummed....and Humiliated

So I applied for a job at Chuck E Cheese and got an interview...Then they told me to come back the next day speak with Terri? at 4:30 So I went back and was a little early so I waited til 4:20 and walked in. I asked to speak to Terri and their like "Shes in a conference why did you need to talk to her?" and I replied "I had a 4:30 appointment to see her today." Then their like "Well she's interviewing another girl." I asked if I should wait and they said no just leave your name and number and she'll call you. So I left and I still haven't gotten a call from her. :( I was really hoping I got the job but apparently I didn't.

Yesterday I was completely humiliated...I hid under my blankets for the rest of the day because I was so embarressed.... I thought Bradley was a really good friend of mine...I thought he actually gave a shit about what I felt but I guess not. He called and asked if I wanted to come over. Then stupid me believed we were just hanging out or something...I didn't think he wanted anything. I didn't even realize it until after I was already in the house and chatting with him. I walked straight to his room and said Hi to Trevor ,who is one of our friends, he was playing video games and I was watching from the door. Then Bradley asked me to come here and he closed the door and then we were kissing which isn't surprising cause we always kiss and I was like wow I think he missed me. I asked him what he wanted being completely niave and stupid at this point and he said something along the lines of I think you know. Then it hit me. He called me here to fuck with me. LITERALLY. I was too busy processing that he called me here for sex and not to just hang out that I was surprised when I found myself pushed onto the couch in his living room. He started to undo my pants when I pushed him away saying I don't do this stuff with other people here. Bradley~"You did it with your brother in the house." I looked at him and said I know my brother won't walk in and watch me! He kept kissing me and trying to undo my pants then he said ~"Okay Trevor won't walk in ok? If he does you can kick me in the balls as hard as you want ok?" I looked at him and was like wow he is fucking desperate. Then he did stuff that completely hit my soft spot and next thing I know my pants are at my ankles and Trevor is walking in!!!! I quickly covered myself with my hands and stared at Trevor like a deer in headlights...Bradley walked away from me!!! Like walked away and didn't even care if Trevor saw me without my pants!!!! Trevor was staring at me with a small smirk and I was about to burst into tears so I put my head on my kness when he started apologizing and walking back to Bradley's room. Then I heard Bradley come over and apologize and start to kiss me but I refused to kiss him.  I asked him what I was to him and he said Friends with Benefits. I shook my head no and started to put  my pants on when he says come on I said I was sorry I didn't know he would walk in. I looked at him and I felt like I'd been slapped. He still wanted to do things when I was completely humiliated!!! I told him that I liked it better when we were friends...and stormed out. He din't even try to stop me.  I couldn't drive so I just stopped around the corner and started crying and when the tears stopped I went home and I couldnt stop the sobs coming from me until I was outside my house. He hasn't tried to talk to me since then. Was I really this stupid and thought he was really my friend when all he wanted was some "benefits"?  I thought that he...I thought that he was my friend...Maybe Jp was right...Maybe I am a charity case.

Trevor did call me later to apologize repeatedly.
<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf<3

Just Another Day...Wait...You Want To Marry Me?

So Haley got me hooked on the Who's Here app. and I've met alot of nice guys on it. And I have to say one of my biggest pet peeves is guys asking me to marry them when they don't even know me or the shit that I've gone through. Its an instant piss me off button. Jeez I don't want to marry you if I've never met you.

Helpful tips to wanna be boyfriends....


I hate it when guys can't tell when I'm angry or getting angry at them.

I hate when guys bring you to hang out with their friends and they ignore you.

I hate when guys criticize my sense of fashion.

I hate when they want to hang up the phone after just a minute of conversation.

I hate when guys make fun of me in front of others.

I hate when they criticize my make up skills.

I hate guys that ogle at other girls in my presence.

I hate when guys talk to any of your exs or their are more texts from other girls then between you and I.

I hate when you compare me to other girls.

I hate when you have no life ambition.

I hate when you flirt and other people tell me how much you flirt.

I hate when your breaking every promise you made.

I hate when you don't listen to what I have to say.

I hate when your arrogent.

I hate when you have pictures of other girls in your phone that I don't even know.

I hate it when you know I'm jealous or I tell you I'm jealous and you just act like it's nothing when it's obviously something.

I hate when we make plans and you "nicely" break them and then come later I find out you were with your friends.

I hate it when you lie to my face and I have to walk around geetting  pity looks because everyone else knows the truth and I chose to believe you.

I hate when a guy...promises you forever and then...walks away...

I want to apologise to Nick but I don't know why. I feel like maybe this was kinda all my fault. I think I lead him on and didn't care. I mean I would NEVER EVER sleep with him. My bestfriends all know that in their hearts and the one person who really mattered didn't. I teased. I flirted. I joked. Sue me for liking the attention I was getting, but I will deny the constant rumor that I wanted to sleep with him. I didn't. Yes I know I was stupid and let the jokes go way too far but I did not have a boyfriend. Can you hear me JP? I was not dating you. So therefore I can flirt with who ever the hell I want. But don't you dare try and accuse me of sleeping with him. I might be a bitch but I woud never sleep with one of your friends...and how can you call him a friend anyway? He's a f*cking d*ck with a capital D! I think what I'm trying to figure out is why I would want to apologize to this D*ck in the first place. I'm so hurt everyday when people ask "Did you really want to sleep with Nick?" because the truth is I didn't but I don't care what they think, I don't care what they say....In the end I lost everything that really mattered to me. I lost my friends. I lost my dignity. I lost my love. I lost everything. They only thing I ever wanted back though was him. The one who didn't believe in me. The one who wouldn't give me one more chance. The one who finally walked away. And here I am wanting to apologize to the one who caused it.

Even after all this...I still have friends to be honest I have some f*cking awesome friends. Haley is my nember one so far. Bradley is iffy at the moment he is MIA. YOU NEED TO TEXT ME BRADLEY!!! Jordan has always been there. Brooke left me to go to Italy but who could blame her...hot guys, gorgeous view...I'm jealous. Macie could have been a fun summer friend but she is stuck on vacation with her mom...again with the vacations...Im jealous. Shay is...undetermined. Needless to say I have lots of peeps, but I miss hanging out with my old friends too.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3