I think whats really going on is that I miss being with him as a couple. I miss the comfort of knowing if I ever needed a shoulder to lean on he would be there, that if I was ever in trouble I could talk to him about anything, that if I ever fell down he would be there to help me up. I miss holding hands down the hallways. I miss the in-between-classes kisses. I miss the texts I would get daily from him. I miss riding home with him. I miss us as a couple.
Judging from yesterday...Im not sure I missed him. He was annoying me. He didn't even care that what he said hurt me a little bit. He didn't care about anything. Thats okay though. Cause I care. Im really stupid I know Haley but no matter what...when all this comes crashing down and he falls on his ass, I'll be there to help him. I'll do everything in my power to not let him ever feel what I've felt. To never hurt as much as I have. I really hope that he learns his lesson without as much pain as I did. You have to respect each other and share your problems and work through them together, not scream and yell at each other. I don't care if he hates me and curses me but it's my fault and I feel like I owe him...
I kinda feel like I'm responsible for what happened to him. Like I'm the reason he is an asshole and idk. He was so sweet in the beginning and I played with him. I messed with his head and ended up messing him up. I didn't do it intentionally though. I just got soo jealous and sometimes I couldn't be nice and play it off.
Reading over this it sounds like Im obsessing. I feel better though. It's not all crazy train of thoughts in my head but out there and maybe someone else will understand.