The Broken Side Of Me

We had the perfect love. He said it had just been a fling to him, but I knew he was lying. It was that pride of his again that kept him from breaking down. I could never admit it now, but no matter what he said, what the two of us had was real. It was the kind of knock-you-down-once-in-a-lifetime love that had inspired countless movies and songs and poems, the type of love so many people dreamed of finding and so few ever did. I had never been so completely in love with anyone before, and I doubted I ever would again. I'd seen forever with him and more...but fate had dealt us the worst hand possible. A perfect love at the perfectly wrong time.

If only we had met later...or under different circumstances...

I had always been a practical person. I know there is no use dwelling on what-ifs. I was bound in a tangled web of lies and sooner or later, he would move on and meet a girl who could give him everything he deserved, someone he would marry, have kids with...

The last little piece of my heart that remained intact throughout the past hour promtly shattered at the thought, the shreds pricking at my self-control until I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Huge, silent sobs wrecked my body for the first time since I can remember, only this time the pain felt like it would last forever.

The times we'd spent together flashed through my mind movie-montage-style, and the girl who'd once swore I'd never cry over a boy...cried. I cried until it felt like every drop of moistrue in my body was escaping through my tear ducts. I cried because I'd hurt him. I cried because it kept my mind off the desperate lonliness that had invaded my body the moment he left. But most of all, I cried for what we had, what we lost, and what we could never be.

<3 Yours Truely, PrettyGirl <3

Lalalalalala...

I love my boys but damn....I'm starting to drown in them!!! I made this blog and promised myself no matter what I wouldn't let the fear of other people reading stop me from typing. So...here I go.

One-I will never have sex with another guy unless he is my boyfriend for at least 6 months!!!

Two-I'm going to be completly honest and say....No. I do not want a relationship because I can't handle one. And I like being single. I don't feel guilty if I see a cute guy and check him out. And I don't give a fuck if your going to jump to conclusions and try and tell me that I only want to be treated like crap because I still hangout with my ex. That I only like jerks because they treat me bad and that's what I want. Its not true. All that tells me is that your an insecure asshole who judges people before you know the whole damn story. Cause you know what? I have had some really sweet relationships and I was treated like a princess. I know what a good relationship is from a bad one and I know what I want. So make sure you read the About Me on the side cause I know for damn sure I said DON'T JUDGE!

Three-I didn't think texting a guy your not dating hours after he texts you is a good excuse to be angry or mad or whatever. It gives them no damn right to sit there and act like a middle schooler and pick up there friends phone to test you and see if you'll text back to that number. Its fucking juvenile. Sigh. Obviously there are some trust issues there that need to be fixed.

Four-my head hurts....

Five-Im so good Im so fine I bet you wish you were mine!!! Jk. Anyways...I have come to a point in my life where I trust absolutly no one but my BFF Haley. Yup. I don't care what proof there is but I will always doubt what people say until I see it with my own eyes.

I think that's it for now....
So I got the whole Jp is an asshole kinda speech again from Joseph and you know what Joey? I love that asshole so shut up! Ya I know I was stupid blah blah blah. Jeez Joey I'm not going to chase after him. He made it very clear that I am not wanted and I'm okay with that. Maybe I'll stop popping pills for all the headaches...JK. :) I don't pop pills. I know your falling under the spell Joey but your my friend and that's it. Nothing more! No Mas!!!! I bet you got the hint when I slapped you...lmao...your face was priceless!!! KODAK MOMENT!!!!!!!

If I could wish for anything I would wish for wings so that I can fly away.

PLEASE LISTEN

When I ask you to listen to me

and you start giving me advice,

you have not done what I have asked.

When I ask you to listen to me

and you begin to tell me why

I shouldn't feel that way,

you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me

 and you feel you have to do something

to solve my problem,

you have failed me,

strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I ask is that you listen.

Don't talk or do - just hear me.

Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get

you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham

in the same newspaper.

And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.

Maybe discouraged and faultering,

but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can

and need to do for myself,

you contribute to my fear and

inadequacy.

But when you accept as a simple fact

that I feel what I feel,

no matter how irrational,

then I can stop trying to convince

you and get about this business

of understanding what's behind

this irrational feeling.

And when that's clear, the answers are

obvious and I don't need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when

we understand what's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes,

for some people - because God is mute,

and he doesn't give advice or try

to fix things.

God just listens and lets you work

it out for yourself.

So please listen, and just hear me.

And if you want to talk, wait a minute

for your turn - and I will listen to you.

<3 Yours Truely, PrettyGirl <3

Cracked In Half

I think because I was on the phone with Zach last night that I didn't feel the pain. I couldn't sleep all night. I didn't know what was bugging me til just now. His eyes. His eyes were so cold and guarded. They didn't have the warm and safe feeling they once had. Now when I close my eyes to sleep I just see his face haunting my dreams with his eyes...there so dark and cold and hateful. His face is smiling and relaxed but his eyes, they sent chills down my spine and I tried to ignore it and forget but I can't. It feels so weird without him in my life but at the same time...I don't have to worry anymore if he is cheating or if I'm wasting my time trying to be good to him. He didn't believe me when I told him I'd changed. He said for the past two years I acted one way and can't suddenly change over a couple of months. I said that when you have your heart broken and ripped to shreds and then shoved in your face that you can do anything. He just shook his head like he didn't believe me still. I told him I'm not begging for a second chance. That I know were never going to go out again. That I didn't care if loved me or hated me...but that no matter what...I'll always be there if he needed help. I told him I wanted to be friends. That we don't have to talk 24/7 but keep in touch. That we never have to hang out that's fine, I just wanted him to know if he needed help, I'd help him.

I think whats really going on is that I miss being with him as a couple. I miss the comfort of knowing if I ever needed a shoulder to lean on he would be there, that if I was ever in trouble I could talk to him about anything, that if I ever fell down he would be there to help me up. I miss holding hands down the hallways. I miss the in-between-classes kisses. I miss the texts I would get daily from him. I miss riding home with him. I miss us as a couple.

Judging from yesterday...Im not sure I missed him. He was annoying me. He didn't even care that what he said hurt me a little bit. He didn't care about anything. Thats okay though. Cause I care. Im really stupid I know Haley but no matter what...when all this comes crashing down and he falls on his ass, I'll be there to help him. I'll do everything in my power to not let him ever feel what I've felt. To never hurt as much as I have. I really hope that he learns his lesson without as much pain as I did. You have to respect each other and share your problems and work through them together, not scream and yell at each other. I don't care if he hates me and curses me but it's my fault and I feel like I owe him...

I kinda feel like I'm responsible for what happened to him. Like I'm the reason he is an asshole and idk. He was so sweet in the beginning and I played with him. I messed with his head and ended up messing him up. I didn't do it intentionally though. I just got soo jealous and sometimes I couldn't be nice and play it off.

Reading over this it sounds like Im obsessing. I feel better though. It's not all crazy train of thoughts in my head but out there and maybe someone else will understand.

Alone tonight.

Running for her life.

She tears through the woods as fast as she

can, heart beating, trying desperately to

escape the enemy. Questions fill her thoughts.

Where will i find refuge, a place to hide? Is

there anyone out there who can save me?

Fear and panicconsume her as the whispering

thoughts dance around her mind. She's

desperate for help, for rescue...for escape.

<3 Yours Truely, Pretty Girl/Purple Smurf <3

A Little To Late???

I thought maybe I could get him back one day but I don't anymore. He's so different but not at the same time. He played me today...well he said he didn't and that he cared about me and he worried about me. Honestly Im not hurt. I kinda expected it to be a talk and walk away kinda thing. But awell Im okay just kinda upset that he never really gave a damn.

My heart is so much stronger!!! Damn Im so happy right now. :) I haven't even cried!!! Hells ya!!! I don't even feel like crying. I am emotionally drained... omg today was soooo long...and it continues with Zach talking my ears off. I don't know if I can handle a realtionship right now. I just want to not hurt anymore. But I'll try my best and work it out with him. Maybe this will work...Maybe I can be happy with him.

Randy is coming on TUESDAY!!!! XD Im so fucking excited!!!! I can't wait to spend time with him. He is my favorite cousin in world!!!! hehehe hey mister devil the evil one is in town!!!!! Muah-ah-ah-ah!!!!!! *cough* excuse me *clears throught* Muah-ah-ah-ah!!!!!

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3

I Want To Join The Circus!!!!!!!!!!

I gotta say going to the circus was fun...but I really wanted Haley with me instead of Jordan...He made it really unfun for me. I paid for everything! The tickets ended up being $40 a piece plus tax. So it cost $85 dollars just for our tickets. Then, during intermission I bought our food which was $12, I bought my snow cone which I shared with him. The only thing he bought was a coke. Thats it. Then I only asked him for $30 dollars to pay for his ticket 'cause initially that's what I asked for and I didn't want to change it last minute. Oh. Oh. Then afterwards I payed for whataburger which I did owe him but damn...he didn't even ask if it was okay...I just feel kinda used... Now Im out way more money then I planned and I owe my dad $60. :( I feel used and abused now.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf<3

I Really Am A Good Friend And Would Put My Friends Life Before Mine....

I really do love my friends to death...admittedly I only have one or two true friends that I would drop everything for. I only give back what I recieve.

I'm sorry if it upsets Shay that I'm friends with Zach, but I would never do anything with him. She keeps going on and on about how much she'll hate me and never forgive me. I just shake my head like wow really? you think I'm so desperate for a man that I will randomly fuck your ex just because? whatever. I don't want to get with your ex okay? I love one guy and one guy only. Truthfully I don't even want another guy. I hope you know even though sometimes your a bitch and lie constantly and sometimes I can't tell if your really living the life you want...I won't intentionally hurt you.


Throughout my troublesome teenage years I always thought my aunt would be there for me. Now I find myself slowly seperating her from my life. I look at her now and can see the look of disappointment in her eyes that she tries to hide. I can see that she has her own problems to deal with and that mine are trivial in comparison. I realize that there is a very thin line between being an adult and a friend but believe me when I thought I'd never see the day when me and my aunt grew apart. I know she thinks I'm young and there are plenty of other boys out there but I loved Jp and her disppointment when I say if he ever needed me I'd be there hurt me. Ya we ended terribly but we went through two years together. I would be lieing if I said I no longer cared about him. She doesn't get it. She doesn't even have to say it...I've known her long enough to see it on her face.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3

Really Bummed....and Humiliated

So I applied for a job at Chuck E Cheese and got an interview...Then they told me to come back the next day speak with Terri? at 4:30 So I went back and was a little early so I waited til 4:20 and walked in. I asked to speak to Terri and their like "Shes in a conference why did you need to talk to her?" and I replied "I had a 4:30 appointment to see her today." Then their like "Well she's interviewing another girl." I asked if I should wait and they said no just leave your name and number and she'll call you. So I left and I still haven't gotten a call from her. :( I was really hoping I got the job but apparently I didn't.

Yesterday I was completely humiliated...I hid under my blankets for the rest of the day because I was so embarressed.... I thought Bradley was a really good friend of mine...I thought he actually gave a shit about what I felt but I guess not. He called and asked if I wanted to come over. Then stupid me believed we were just hanging out or something...I didn't think he wanted anything. I didn't even realize it until after I was already in the house and chatting with him. I walked straight to his room and said Hi to Trevor ,who is one of our friends, he was playing video games and I was watching from the door. Then Bradley asked me to come here and he closed the door and then we were kissing which isn't surprising cause we always kiss and I was like wow I think he missed me. I asked him what he wanted being completely niave and stupid at this point and he said something along the lines of I think you know. Then it hit me. He called me here to fuck with me. LITERALLY. I was too busy processing that he called me here for sex and not to just hang out that I was surprised when I found myself pushed onto the couch in his living room. He started to undo my pants when I pushed him away saying I don't do this stuff with other people here. Bradley~"You did it with your brother in the house." I looked at him and said I know my brother won't walk in and watch me! He kept kissing me and trying to undo my pants then he said ~"Okay Trevor won't walk in ok? If he does you can kick me in the balls as hard as you want ok?" I looked at him and was like wow he is fucking desperate. Then he did stuff that completely hit my soft spot and next thing I know my pants are at my ankles and Trevor is walking in!!!! I quickly covered myself with my hands and stared at Trevor like a deer in headlights...Bradley walked away from me!!! Like walked away and didn't even care if Trevor saw me without my pants!!!! Trevor was staring at me with a small smirk and I was about to burst into tears so I put my head on my kness when he started apologizing and walking back to Bradley's room. Then I heard Bradley come over and apologize and start to kiss me but I refused to kiss him.  I asked him what I was to him and he said Friends with Benefits. I shook my head no and started to put  my pants on when he says come on I said I was sorry I didn't know he would walk in. I looked at him and I felt like I'd been slapped. He still wanted to do things when I was completely humiliated!!! I told him that I liked it better when we were friends...and stormed out. He din't even try to stop me.  I couldn't drive so I just stopped around the corner and started crying and when the tears stopped I went home and I couldnt stop the sobs coming from me until I was outside my house. He hasn't tried to talk to me since then. Was I really this stupid and thought he was really my friend when all he wanted was some "benefits"?  I thought that he...I thought that he was my friend...Maybe Jp was right...Maybe I am a charity case.

Trevor did call me later to apologize repeatedly.
<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf<3

Just Another Day...Wait...You Want To Marry Me?

So Haley got me hooked on the Who's Here app. and I've met alot of nice guys on it. And I have to say one of my biggest pet peeves is guys asking me to marry them when they don't even know me or the shit that I've gone through. Its an instant piss me off button. Jeez I don't want to marry you if I've never met you.

Helpful tips to wanna be boyfriends....


I hate it when guys can't tell when I'm angry or getting angry at them.

I hate when guys bring you to hang out with their friends and they ignore you.

I hate when guys criticize my sense of fashion.

I hate when they want to hang up the phone after just a minute of conversation.

I hate when guys make fun of me in front of others.

I hate when they criticize my make up skills.

I hate guys that ogle at other girls in my presence.

I hate when guys talk to any of your exs or their are more texts from other girls then between you and I.

I hate when you compare me to other girls.

I hate when you have no life ambition.

I hate when you flirt and other people tell me how much you flirt.

I hate when your breaking every promise you made.

I hate when you don't listen to what I have to say.

I hate when your arrogent.

I hate when you have pictures of other girls in your phone that I don't even know.

I hate it when you know I'm jealous or I tell you I'm jealous and you just act like it's nothing when it's obviously something.

I hate when we make plans and you "nicely" break them and then come later I find out you were with your friends.

I hate it when you lie to my face and I have to walk around geetting  pity looks because everyone else knows the truth and I chose to believe you.

I hate when a guy...promises you forever and then...walks away...

I want to apologise to Nick but I don't know why. I feel like maybe this was kinda all my fault. I think I lead him on and didn't care. I mean I would NEVER EVER sleep with him. My bestfriends all know that in their hearts and the one person who really mattered didn't. I teased. I flirted. I joked. Sue me for liking the attention I was getting, but I will deny the constant rumor that I wanted to sleep with him. I didn't. Yes I know I was stupid and let the jokes go way too far but I did not have a boyfriend. Can you hear me JP? I was not dating you. So therefore I can flirt with who ever the hell I want. But don't you dare try and accuse me of sleeping with him. I might be a bitch but I woud never sleep with one of your friends...and how can you call him a friend anyway? He's a f*cking d*ck with a capital D! I think what I'm trying to figure out is why I would want to apologize to this D*ck in the first place. I'm so hurt everyday when people ask "Did you really want to sleep with Nick?" because the truth is I didn't but I don't care what they think, I don't care what they say....In the end I lost everything that really mattered to me. I lost my friends. I lost my dignity. I lost my love. I lost everything. They only thing I ever wanted back though was him. The one who didn't believe in me. The one who wouldn't give me one more chance. The one who finally walked away. And here I am wanting to apologize to the one who caused it.

Even after all this...I still have friends to be honest I have some f*cking awesome friends. Haley is my nember one so far. Bradley is iffy at the moment he is MIA. YOU NEED TO TEXT ME BRADLEY!!! Jordan has always been there. Brooke left me to go to Italy but who could blame her...hot guys, gorgeous view...I'm jealous. Macie could have been a fun summer friend but she is stuck on vacation with her mom...again with the vacations...Im jealous. Shay is...undetermined. Needless to say I have lots of peeps, but I miss hanging out with my old friends too.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3

My Life Rocks Right About Now Except For The Asshole That Keeps Popping Up

So I met an awesome sexy guy named...pause for dramatic affect...BRENDON!!!! Im sorry boys but I gotta admit this soccer boys body has me trippin over my own feet lol!!! He is amazingly sweet too!!!

Him:Baby are you up?
Me:Yes why r u still up?
Him:I can't sleep :(
Me:Ha neither can I :)
Me:Why can't u sleep?
Him:I can't stop thinking about you
Me:Hopefully good thoughts?
Him:They are(:
Me:Well why are you thinking of me so much babe? :)
Him:LAFS?
Me:LAFS? What?
Him:Love @ 1st site lol

OMG he is so sweet!!!!!! I love him! And omg...his body is *sigh* psh boys you wish you had it! He is so honest and to all them country nit wits that are treating him like dirt Ima tear your skinny white asses to pieces if you hurt my boy!! He is always making me smile too!!! He thinks Im beautiful hehe...and he is from Guatamala...I wonder if they have good food there lol what? Im hungry... Anyways! He plays soccer and is totally the best player on the team lol or at least I think so. I don't really care what yall think so shut it. Damn...I think I just met my dream hottie *sigh. Love you Bren. :) Don't let them stuck up snot nose bitches get you down babe! Their just jealous cause they can't look as good as you :) Just tell me and I'll add them to my kick-ass-list LMAO Sweet dreams baby I'll talk to you soon Mwah!

Haley Haley Haley-----Yes I'm okay I really don't want to talk about it really. Jp has been with alot of girls apparently but I don't care ok? I'm fine. It just hurts a little bit and I just want to run away from everything that reminds me of him. I'm tired of hearing about all the different girls he did things for and how he paid for them to do stuff like going to movies and stuff, I can't help but think that could of been me ya know? I should be there with him laughing and having fun. But I know that will never happen. He probably would of never invited me anyways. I wished so much was different between us. I miss him so much Haley. I wish everyone would just shut up and quit talking about him. Im done trying to pretend it doesn't hurt because honestly it hurts like shit. :( I don't want to hear about the girls he's been with. I don't want to hear how much of an asshole he was. I just want silence. Will I ever get that? Probably not. I think you are the only person I can handle talking about him with. I miss you Haley and I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you. I just feel like disappearing for a bit.

BTW Girl you are the most amazing friend in the world!!! I know you'll always have my back and be there whenever I need you no matter what :) I know you will be completly honest with me and never lie to me I hope you find your perfect sexy man soon LOL Although I will have to run a few test to make sure he treats you right ;) I hope you have a blast when you go to church camp!!! Im going to miss you while your gone :( Your so beautiful too girl don't let any idiot tell you otherwise and although your fashion statement is really...unique? lol I love it and don't forget I'll always be here if you ever need me girl
LOVE YOU HALEY

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!! No More Miss Nice Girl Ima Bout To Flip Shit On his 2in. D*ck!!!!!

That SOB f*cking cheated on me when we were together!!!! For two f*cking years!!!!! I knew it too I could just feel it and I still believed him!!!!!!! That stupid f*cking idiot! You know what mother f*cker I am so done with your @$$! I don't even want to be f*cking friends no more! You can waste your life with your stupid little friends that will ditch your @$$ but my friends are true b*tch!! They'll stay by my side no matter what just like how I'll be there for them!!! OH and I'M the charity case? MY @$$! Your a f*cking a charity case! I am done with your lieing cheating man-whore slut-f*cking @$$!

Bradley...I Love You Babe. I hope you know that. You need to quit thinking I'm always going to be mad about your decisions, cause I'm not mad babe. Your really sweet and in a weird way I know you care about me. I hope we're friends for a long time because I would be the only normal person without you ;) I like your girlfriend even if she hates me. I think you make a cute couple but your still young babe, don't let her hold ya back. I made my mistake and I hope you don't make the same one. Don't ever let go of your friends honey cause in the end they'll be all you got. I know you miss your dad baby and I honestly think he would be laughing his ass off at you. :) I wish I could rewind time and take all your pain away. I'll do my best with what I got until I can though ;) boobs and ass lmao!  I think your so sexy and no matter what you say I HAVE PERFECT VISION!!!! My first words when I saw you...DAAAAMN!!! Lol. Don't get a serious girlfriend until your at least a senior babe, have fun but don't direspect the ladies.

Jordan...Damn...what can I say about you? LOL. I love your crazy ass so much. You been with me through some fucking bad shit and I take your words to heart. You were there for me when I was so depressed with Jp, you helped me break away from his ass and see how he treated me like shit. You were there when I completly broke down over him and cried my heart out. You know me better than anyone else, better than I do sometimes, and I hope you know that I would do anything for you. I owe you so much hun. Your so amazing, I know I can always count on you. Your so strong physically and emotionally. I look up to you and just wonder how I was so lucky to have you in my life. I love you. I hope you find that perfect girl that will be yours forever and have you trippin head over heels to please her! lol maybe it'll be me ;)

It hurts so much to have your worst fear at one point in time confirmed. You know what Jp? I hope you find a girl perfect for you. I hope you will live  happily ever after even if you hurt me and broke my heart. At least I broke up with you before I did anything with another guy. At least I didn't lie to your face about never cheating on you. I told you the truth and always have. Im completly in love you and you took a big piece of my heart but I'm healing. I have people who love me and care about and I feel the same for them. There true friends. The kind you'll never have if you stay on the path your on. I'm sorry you couldn't be faithful. I'm sorry you felt the need to hold my mistakes above my head and make me feel so guilty when really you were the unfaithful one who lied and cheated. I'm sorry that your so pathetic you had to degrade me to make yourself feel better. I lost myself when I was with you but Im finally back on my feet and realise how stupid I was with you. I let my love for you blind me from the truth. I'll always love you but I will never forgive you.

I look at my pictures on the wall and realise you aren't the same. You changed and I hate you for it. I remember how in love we were but god only knows how many girls you made out with or fucked at those parties or just hanging out. But I'm done. I have too many friends who love me the way I am to waste anymore time on you.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf and Pretty Girl <3

The Making Of Pretty Girl

I always sign every post with Pretty Girl because it is meant for a certain someone who helped me write this...his part is bolded at the end.

Pretty Girl - Written by A.D.C. and Pretty Boy
    
  

Pretty girl who has no friends,

Pretty girl who says this will never end,

Pretty girl who’s pain is too deep,

Pretty girl who cries herself to sleep,

Step by step, to the ledge she walks,

Tear by tear; falls…as she mutters don’t stop,

She tilted her head up towards the sky,

Letting the Angels above see her pain stricken eyes,

Pretty girl life never gave you a break,

Pretty girl your heart was his to take,

Pretty girl love you he does not,

Pretty girl weren’t you ever taught?

Watch them as they pass you by,

Never once asking if you’re okay,

All of them wanting you tonight,

Closing your eyes you begin to prey,

Pretty girl don’t give up yet,

Pretty girl don’t let the devil win the bet,

Pretty girl don’t give up hope,

Pretty girl we will soon elope,

As the days go by and we grow old,

The secrets of our past will unfold,

‘Til the end I will be yours,

Your one and only Pretty Boy.

 

Sometime I sign my post as Purple Smurf because it's my alias for my blog but it's kinda point less if you know who I am and who I'm talking about. Awell I like it.

<3 Yours Truely, Purple Smurf <3

Him Again

MINE written by Pretty Girl

Far away beyond my reach

He walks around as their prey

How long til I feel the breach

Til I feel our love be forgotten and fade

His walls are cracking and won’t hold long

My fear is growing and digging deep

I can’t lose control I must hold on

Rethinking I stop and breath

No one said we’d be together forever

No one said he would always be mine

I even said without him I was better

Was I wrong…Was I just being blind

I’m not letting him go

The hurt you’ll experience if you try

Will be so powerful and it’ll grow

You’ll ask for me to let you die

But not til you’ve learned your lesson

Not til you understand why

There will be no room for guessing

You must know he is MINE

Without him I am better

But with him…I am my best.

<3 Yours Truely, Pretty Girl <3

Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger....

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans

I think about him everyday. No matter where I am he seems to cross my mind. It doesn't hurt to remember him anymore. I just smile and remember how happy we were togather. I'm done wishing things would have worked out or turned out differently. I'm done regretting what was done and what was said. I hope he is happy. I hope he finds that perfect girl that I just couldn't be for him. I miss him so much but I can't stop my life just because he walked away.

I can wake up now and not feel like a ton of bricks are weighing me down. I can dance around in my pajamas without regretting that I can be happy without him. I might not be as happy as I was with you baby but I can still smile through the tears. I can look at our pictures and laugh at our silliness. I can walk into my room and be happy with the piece of you that still lingers in my heart. I love you baby. I hope someday you'll think of me and forgive me for my mistakes and just remember how happy we were.

Hey, Matthew, you know who you are. I won't ever give up on you. I love my friends and will always be there for them. I'm sorry you think life is so horrible and not worth living but I know your stronger than that. I know you can make it.

<3 Yours Truely, Pretty Girl <3

Remember

I remember our first night together. It was December and cold. The perfect wearther for walking closer together. Remember the nervous laughter and sly glances at each other? We walked all over the mall together with my bestfriend and after hours of waiting and teasing and dropping hints, you finally asked me out. I remember that excited feeling filling me up and wanting to scream with joy. I had a boyfriend. 

I remember our first Valentines Day together. We met at the mall and sat on a bench together. I had no idea what to get you but I settled on this silver chain bracelet. I was bouncing up and down with nervousness and excitment tingling through me. I didn't think you would really like it but you smiled anyway and looked at me, then told me you loved it. You then handed me a small jewlrey box and told me to open it. I've never had a real boyfriend before so I've never gotten any gifts as beautiful as the one you gave me. On a very delicate silver chain hung a smaill silver heart with little crystal like stones that shimmered in the light. I was stunned by the beauty of such a small necklace. I loved it so much, I never took it off. I took so much pride in telling everyone my boyfriend gave it to me for Valentines Day.

 

I remember going to Homecoming my Sophomore year with you. You wanted to wear this red shirt with your suit and you already had bought it so I had to buy my dress to match you. I didn't mind really, I found the most beautiful black dress with a rhinstone pendant on one hip and black heals with a rhinestone design on the front. Neither of us could drive yet, we met at your house first for some very awkward and not so great pictures. You had this beautiful white rose corsage for the night and you had a matching white rose for your jacket. After the dance our group went to ihop and I watched you laugh and joke with your friends just thinking how lucky I was to have a boyfriend like you.

I remember our first Anniversary together. You surprised me and took me took me ice skating. I was so mad that you were better at it than me but just laughed at you when you fell. Which you didn't except like once or twice. It was so beautiful, in the middle of the rink was this giant christmas tree that lit up and changed colors. I remember holding your hand so tightly to steady myself and just staring at you and seeing you smile, I couldn't help but smiling back. That was the most amazing date I had ever been on.

I remember our first Christmas together. You invited me to a Neighborhood Christmas Party at your house and even though I was super shy and nervous I went. I begged my mom for a new haircut to go with my favorite shirt and I bought you this awesome jacket (that you refused to wear to school because someone else had the same jacket) and tons of shirts! Your mom got me my favorite perfume and a new shirt in my favorite color! She also gave me this really cute jewelry holder and I love it!!! You refused to let me open my gift from you until I had everyone's attention. FINALLY when everyone was staring at ME you let me open it. It was a black velvet ring box inside a purple (my favorite color) Christmas bag with glittered tissue paper. Inside that box was the best gift I have ever recieved in my short life!!! A small silver ring with a deep purple heart and light pink heart side by side!!! I was sooo happy and freaking out at the same time...I wanted to kiss you soo bad but then I thought crap...everyone is watching...but I couldn't stop hugging you for the rest of the night.

I remember sooo much and I hope I never forget a single moment. I can't stop loving you and no matter how much you hate me or think I'm a slut/whore/was only with you for the sex I won't stop loving you because none of that is true and you only said it to hurt me.

<3 Yours Truely, Pretty Girl <3

Too Late

I promised to never give up...

I promise I will never forget a moment I got to spend with you....

I promise I will never give myself to another like I gave myself to you...

I promise I will wait for you, no matter how long it takes, until you decide to take one more chance on us...

Until then...I promise to live as best I can without my other half, without you...

I'll never give up on you. No matter what you say or do to hurt me I will keep trying. No matter what happens between us I know we are strong enough to work it out. Its time to grow up and realize we aren't kids anymore...and this thing between us isn't going to be fixed by harsh words and bitterness. We're older now. If we want to make it we have to work for it. There's a thin line between love and hatred, no one ever said this was going to be easy. We're going to hurt we're going to hate, we're going to curse the world for everything thats gone wrong...but the only one we can truely blame is ourselves. We put our own hearts out there, vulnerable to pain and hurt and rejection. Don't be surprised when one day you see your heart torn to shreds. Then there are those who feel a tiny bit of pain and give up. Their scared and they don't have the courage to love. We're older but we're not adults yet...we're still trying to figure out what love is and how it works. We're still working our way through relationships and broken hearts. But between you and me....everything works out better if you have someone to lean on. Someone to always have your back and pick you up when your down. We can make it if we try. I'm never giving up. I love you more then you'll ever truely know. Please dont give up.

<3 i LOVE u FOREVER & ALWAYS <3

     <3 Yours Truely, Pretty Girl <3